Yo to my bros.
I had some complaints about the last post, and I figured I should
step it up. I quote: "You just made a list of foods you're craving..." I
KNOW WHAT I DID, ALBERT. I WROTE IT. And I'm not proud of it. Although,
I'm going to take the fact that someone actually called me out on my
half-assed post as a compliment.
Let me also preface this by saying I am completely and entirely content being
single. So any of you out there who have been taking my
self-deprecation a bit too seriously: stop that.
Moving on. I've compiled a list of weird things about me for your reading pleasure. Now, these aren't cute, endearing weird things, like the fact that whiskey is my drink of choice, or that I wear a size 6 shoe. These are more along the lines of quirky, there-might-be-something-wrong-with-you weird things. Hopefully you still want to be my friend after reading this. Here we go.
I have reoccurring dreams that there are spiders in my bed. I jump up, turn on my lights, and frantically search for said spiders that, of course, don't exist. Any of you hunks out there who previously thought, dang Jamie, I'd totally toot it and boot it-- you should strongly consider booting it. Unless you want to be woken up in the middle of the night by me looking for spiders that don't exist.
Another fun sleep-related fact: a couple of months ago I caught myself sleep walking. Which is scary. Even scarier is that I sleep naked.
I always put on my right sock first, followed by the left, then my right shoe, then left. Is it really that weird? Not really sure. I have a hard time distinguishing a routine from OCD.
Whenever I return from a trip, I have to unpack right away. Not because if I don't do it right away it won't get done, but because if I don't unpack that same day, it stresses me out. I don't care how late it is or how tired I am or how long it's going to take. This was no exception when I studied abroad in Spain. I was completely unpacked hours after arriving.
I've spilled egg on my computer a few more times than I'd like to admit. What, I like to listen to music when I cook.
I'm completely addicted to Lip Smackers chapstick. I'm pretty sure I've been using it for 10+ years. That's brand loyalty, motherfuckers. I also don't understand how people feel like they've accomplished something when they actually finish a chapstick without losing it. If you're over the age of 12, it shouldn't be that difficult.
When I was little, I used to eat sandwiches with salami and ketchup. I mean it's essentially a modified hamburger. Don't knock it till you try it.
Another food fun fact (alliteration, what's up): I can't eat apples straight from the core anymore. I have to cut them up. Why, you ask? Because there was a goddamn worm in my apple one time, that's why.
My palms are super wrinkly. They have tons of lines on them. And I don't know why. On the bright side: I'd probably be a palm-reader's DREAM.
I make my bed everyday. All day, err day. It gives the illusion that your room is actually clean, hollaaa.
I can hear better out of my left ear. It's never been "proven" by a doctor or anything like that, but I just know, ok? Because of this, I always hold my phone up to my left ear, and I always sleep on my left side (cause then it blocks out more sound, get it?).
I wear pink rubber gloves when I wash dishes. That way my nails don't chip and my hands stay silky smooth and everyone's happy. Or at least I am. Don't hate.
I'm obsessed with making lists. Grocery lists, lists of things I need to do on the weekend, lists of things to pack, lists of things I need to do at work... I made a list for this post. So I'm organized, SUE ME.
I have slight panic attacks when people puke. I can't explain it, and I don't know how or why it started. I just remember freaking out when I was little if my brother was sick. It's not even an if-you-throw-up-I'm-gonna-throw-up thing. I just need to get away and stay away. If someone got sick in class in middle school, I was the first one out the door. One time in high school I was hanging out with my friends in someone's basement and someone threw up. I practically ran up the stairs and went home. So don't count on me to take care of you when you have too many tequila shots. You're on your own, bud.
Well I'd say that's enough weird things about me for one day.
Ttyl lyl brb lylas bbl ttfn k bye.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
I'M PREGNANT
JK no I'm not. In the words of Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up: "you have to have sex to get pregnant." And we all know I'm not faring well with the opposite sex in Boston.
Pregnancy jokes aside, I've been getting crazy food cravings lately. Very specific, crazy, strong food cravings. And not cravings like ohhhh my goshhhh I want some chocolate right now. Cravings so real I swear I can taste them. In my mouth. They've been happening often enough that I started writing them down, and I felt compelled to share them. Plus, I haven't blogged for, like, three weeks. WHATEVER I know no one actually cares, so I'm not sorry. I'll keep this one short cause I'm lazy. And, you know, I have tons of exciting things to do this weekend after getting 22 inches of snow. So I can't be wasting my precious time blogging for the five of you that will actually read this.
Food etc. that I've been craving the past few weeks:
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Pregnancy jokes aside, I've been getting crazy food cravings lately. Very specific, crazy, strong food cravings. And not cravings like ohhhh my goshhhh I want some chocolate right now. Cravings so real I swear I can taste them. In my mouth. They've been happening often enough that I started writing them down, and I felt compelled to share them. Plus, I haven't blogged for, like, three weeks. WHATEVER I know no one actually cares, so I'm not sorry. I'll keep this one short cause I'm lazy. And, you know, I have tons of exciting things to do this weekend after getting 22 inches of snow. So I can't be wasting my precious time blogging for the five of you that will actually read this.
Food etc. that I've been craving the past few weeks:
- Red wine. This happened at two separate moments hours apart when I was at work.
- Tacos.
- Easy Mac. No shame. That shit's delicious.
- Tomato soup.
- Queso dip.
- Banana bread.
- Peanut butter cups.
- Sourdough bread. There's a huge shortage of sourdough bread in the world.
- Baked potato.
- Teriyaki steak and/or chicken.
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Recent Research Shows...
...that people who go to the YMCA in Cambridge have absolutely no awareness of appropriate gym attire. Srsly tho.
Lauren and I have been going to the Y in Cambridge for a little over two months now, and during that time I've gathered quite a bit of data to support my thesis. The evidence below suggests that the majority of YMCA gym-goers are either blind, or get dressed in the dark.
Exhibit A: Purple sweatpants with elastic at the bottom, black socks, and silver ballet flats. That's not even acceptable in the comfort of your own home, let alone at a gym. In public. Where people see you.
Exhibit B: A 70-year-old man who looks like he's 18 months pregnant wearing a tight, gray t-shirt tucked into his spandex is not ok.
Exhibit C: Believe it or not, I've seen quite a few people wearing swim trunks as workout-wear. Although this YMCA does, indeed, have a pool, it also has a locker room in which members may change their clothes. Which means loud, floral print swim trunks in the cardio room are not acceptable. Especially when paired with a t-shirt that says "crabs."
Exhibit D: Capris, argyle socks, and Vans. Since when are Vans considered athletic shoes? It was also a man who was wearing these items. Didn't see that coming, hmm?
Exhibit E: Plaid shorts + sleeveless t-shirt + converse = not a gym outfit.
Exhibit F: Green, plaid pajama pants with "LOVE" on the butt (that were also entirely too tight), pulled up to her belly button, and accompanied by a gray t-shirt tucked in. Woof.
Exhibit G: Gray cargo shorts, a wife beater, high white socks, and snow boots. I've seen this guy five or six times wearing the same exact thing. Now that's just unhygienic.
Exhibit H: This one was my absolute favorite... a black t-shirt with a picture of a panda on it, cargo shorts, high white socks, and black dress shoes. Seriously?
Don't get me wrong here, I'm no gym fashionista. I think it's dumb when people try to look good when they're working out. If you still look good by the end of a work out, you didn't work hard enough. But whatever happened to the trusty gym shorts and a t-shirt look? C'mon people. Stay tuned for additions to this list. It's pretty inevitable.
I will see you there, or I will see you on another time.
Lauren and I have been going to the Y in Cambridge for a little over two months now, and during that time I've gathered quite a bit of data to support my thesis. The evidence below suggests that the majority of YMCA gym-goers are either blind, or get dressed in the dark.
Exhibit A: Purple sweatpants with elastic at the bottom, black socks, and silver ballet flats. That's not even acceptable in the comfort of your own home, let alone at a gym. In public. Where people see you.
Exhibit B: A 70-year-old man who looks like he's 18 months pregnant wearing a tight, gray t-shirt tucked into his spandex is not ok.
Exhibit C: Believe it or not, I've seen quite a few people wearing swim trunks as workout-wear. Although this YMCA does, indeed, have a pool, it also has a locker room in which members may change their clothes. Which means loud, floral print swim trunks in the cardio room are not acceptable. Especially when paired with a t-shirt that says "crabs."
Exhibit D: Capris, argyle socks, and Vans. Since when are Vans considered athletic shoes? It was also a man who was wearing these items. Didn't see that coming, hmm?
Exhibit E: Plaid shorts + sleeveless t-shirt + converse = not a gym outfit.
Exhibit F: Green, plaid pajama pants with "LOVE" on the butt (that were also entirely too tight), pulled up to her belly button, and accompanied by a gray t-shirt tucked in. Woof.
Exhibit G: Gray cargo shorts, a wife beater, high white socks, and snow boots. I've seen this guy five or six times wearing the same exact thing. Now that's just unhygienic.
Exhibit H: This one was my absolute favorite... a black t-shirt with a picture of a panda on it, cargo shorts, high white socks, and black dress shoes. Seriously?
Don't get me wrong here, I'm no gym fashionista. I think it's dumb when people try to look good when they're working out. If you still look good by the end of a work out, you didn't work hard enough. But whatever happened to the trusty gym shorts and a t-shirt look? C'mon people. Stay tuned for additions to this list. It's pretty inevitable.
I will see you there, or I will see you on another time.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
I Hit On A Guy Last Night
...Not to be confused with "I hit a guy last night." There was no physical abuse involved.
Now that that's cleared up, I hit on a guy last night. Lauren, Mark (AKA Big Mac), and I ventured out to some new bars in Union Square. Per usual, our pregame lasted far too long, and we didn't actually leave the apartment until 11pm. First stop: Sally O'Brian's.
I'd passed by that bar before on a Friday night (I was going grocery shopping, don't mistake me for having a social life), and it sounded like it was bumpin', as the kids say. As we were crossing the street, I spied a massive, white beard through the window. We should have turned around as soon as I saw that. The place was full of people my parents' age or older. Don't get me wrong, I actually really enjoy hanging out with my parents and their friends, but this was on another level. They looked like creepy, townie-type old dudes. And we saw a woman sitting at the bar doing a crossword puzzle. At 11:45pm. On a Saturday night. After one beer, we clearly needed to move on. Next stop: Bull McCabe's.
Bull McCabe's is right across the street and has live music every weekend, so we braced ourselves for a cover charge. We decided if there was a cover, we'd rather be spending that money on beer instead of an average band that we might not even like. Of course, the doorman said there was a cover, so Lauren thought up a story and she thought it up quick (the Grinch? Anyone?), and we made like a tree and got the fuck out of there. Last stop: The Independent.
We've been to The Independent a few times, and I've always liked the place. There are actually guys there. Like, a lot of guys. Young guys. So that's nice. I'm very rarely in a place where there are more men than women, so it was very refreshing. The DJ was spinning some sweet sweet 60s/70s funk, and I was diggin' the vibe. We ordered a round of Narragansetts and bellied up. There was a group of girls dancing behind us having a great time, and we knew it was only a matter of a few beers until we'd be tearing it up on the dance floor with them.
In the meantime, I was attempting to lock eyes with a few cute guys across the bar. (This post is way too long already, I'm sorry.) I'm usually not a forward person, I'm too shy/unconfident for that shit. But I was the perfect amount of drunk to feel ballsy enough to approach someone, but not drunk enough to embarrass myself in the process.
After weighing the pros and cons with my trusty roommate, I worked up enough courage to go over and see what his deal was. The worst he could do was say no, and the best would be that I could have a potential date. I decided to take the no-nonsense approach, and the conversation went something like this (And I got the inspiration from here):
Me: Hi. What's your name?
Cute Guy: Andrew.
Me: I'm Jamie. Are you straight?
Andrew: Yes...
Me: Do you work?
Andrew: Yes...
Me: Do you have a girlfriend?
Andrew: Yes...
Me: Well then why isn't she here!
Andrew: She's at home studying.
Me: Ok. Well I just thought you were cute so I figured I'd come say hi.
Andrew: Well thanks, I'm flattered.
Me: Nice to meet you, have a good night!
Obviously it wasn't as awkward as that reads, but you get the picture. Now, usually I'd be filled with sober regret the next morning for an interaction like that, but I'm actually pretty pleased with how it played out. I'm not embarrassed by it, and I'd totally be amused/flattered if someone did that to me. So I got rejected. I then proceeded to cry in the bathroom for 30 minutes. That was a lie. I just continued drinking and dancing, and it was actually one of the better nights out we've had.
What I learned: start out with "are you single," don't end with it. And I GUESS I learned that I'd rather be shot down than not to have tried in the first place. I most likely will be trying this approach again in the future.
kthanksbye.
Now that that's cleared up, I hit on a guy last night. Lauren, Mark (AKA Big Mac), and I ventured out to some new bars in Union Square. Per usual, our pregame lasted far too long, and we didn't actually leave the apartment until 11pm. First stop: Sally O'Brian's.
I'd passed by that bar before on a Friday night (I was going grocery shopping, don't mistake me for having a social life), and it sounded like it was bumpin', as the kids say. As we were crossing the street, I spied a massive, white beard through the window. We should have turned around as soon as I saw that. The place was full of people my parents' age or older. Don't get me wrong, I actually really enjoy hanging out with my parents and their friends, but this was on another level. They looked like creepy, townie-type old dudes. And we saw a woman sitting at the bar doing a crossword puzzle. At 11:45pm. On a Saturday night. After one beer, we clearly needed to move on. Next stop: Bull McCabe's.
Bull McCabe's is right across the street and has live music every weekend, so we braced ourselves for a cover charge. We decided if there was a cover, we'd rather be spending that money on beer instead of an average band that we might not even like. Of course, the doorman said there was a cover, so Lauren thought up a story and she thought it up quick (the Grinch? Anyone?), and we made like a tree and got the fuck out of there. Last stop: The Independent.
We've been to The Independent a few times, and I've always liked the place. There are actually guys there. Like, a lot of guys. Young guys. So that's nice. I'm very rarely in a place where there are more men than women, so it was very refreshing. The DJ was spinning some sweet sweet 60s/70s funk, and I was diggin' the vibe. We ordered a round of Narragansetts and bellied up. There was a group of girls dancing behind us having a great time, and we knew it was only a matter of a few beers until we'd be tearing it up on the dance floor with them.
In the meantime, I was attempting to lock eyes with a few cute guys across the bar. (This post is way too long already, I'm sorry.) I'm usually not a forward person, I'm too shy/unconfident for that shit. But I was the perfect amount of drunk to feel ballsy enough to approach someone, but not drunk enough to embarrass myself in the process.
After weighing the pros and cons with my trusty roommate, I worked up enough courage to go over and see what his deal was. The worst he could do was say no, and the best would be that I could have a potential date. I decided to take the no-nonsense approach, and the conversation went something like this (And I got the inspiration from here):
Me: Hi. What's your name?
Cute Guy: Andrew.
Me: I'm Jamie. Are you straight?
Andrew: Yes...
Me: Do you work?
Andrew: Yes...
Me: Do you have a girlfriend?
Andrew: Yes...
Me: Well then why isn't she here!
Andrew: She's at home studying.
Me: Ok. Well I just thought you were cute so I figured I'd come say hi.
Andrew: Well thanks, I'm flattered.
Me: Nice to meet you, have a good night!
Obviously it wasn't as awkward as that reads, but you get the picture. Now, usually I'd be filled with sober regret the next morning for an interaction like that, but I'm actually pretty pleased with how it played out. I'm not embarrassed by it, and I'd totally be amused/flattered if someone did that to me. So I got rejected. I then proceeded to cry in the bathroom for 30 minutes. That was a lie. I just continued drinking and dancing, and it was actually one of the better nights out we've had.
What I learned: start out with "are you single," don't end with it. And I GUESS I learned that I'd rather be shot down than not to have tried in the first place. I most likely will be trying this approach again in the future.
kthanksbye.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
10 TV Shows I Hate
Yo to my ho's.
I've been told by many (and by many I mean, like, two people tops) that they are deeply looking forward to the TV-shows-I-hate-post, but to be honest I've been quite dreading it. If you disagreed with the shows I love, then it's whatever. No harm done. You still respect me as a person, for the most part. However, if you disagree with the shows I hate, there's a good chance you might not look at me the same again. Ever. Depending, of course, on how strong your love is for the show I despise.
Not to mention, I don't exactly have a concrete explanation citing proper evidence for why I cannot stand these shows. Most of them I haven't even watched for more than five minutes, but that's because they're the worst. I just don't like them. Why can't that be enough. I trust my gut for a lot of things, and so far it hasn't steered me wrong. Except for that one time I ate that expired yogurt...
Alright, here we go. In no particular order, here are 10 shows I hate with very little explanation as to why:
The Big Bang Theory-- From my experience, this seems like a love/hate kind of show. I just so happen to absolutely despise it. I can't even stand the sound of their voices. "Mehhh my name is Sheldon and I'm named after a turtle but I'm really smart so I'm gonna make you feel dumb! lol" PASS. And the girl isn't even that hot.
Seinfeld-- I know a few people in particular (cough, Mark) are not gonna be happy about this making this list, but I just never really caught on to it. Maybe I don't like the actors, maybe it's too 90s for me (though I still love Friends, which is as 90s as it gets), maybe I don't like the format, maybe the humor isn't clever enough. Whatever the real reason is, I'm not a fan. Period.
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo-- This show embodies everything that I hate about America into one, 30 minute slot. They're fat, stupid, and disgusting. But I will give them this much: they do really enjoy spending time together, and they all seem to love each other very much. CORNY whatever.
Two And A Half Men-- Another show that I always avoid. Charlie Sheen looks like a crow that wants to rape you. None of them are good actors. And it's been on for about nine years too long. Yes, it's been on for nine years. I looked it up.
How I Met Your Mother-- You all hate me, I know. How I Met Your Mother has been on for a few seasons too long as well. I've given it a shot, but there was nothing spectacular about it to keep me coming back. Jason Segel is by far the saving grace. Love him.
Any "Real Housewives" show-- How can they claim that these are real housewives? First of all, nothing about them is "real," including their personalities. Or faces. Or boobs. Second of all, nah... I'm good. No more.
The Secret Life of the American Teenager-- I'm sorry, so every American teenager gets pregnant during high school, marries a bunch of dudes, is a terrible actress, and has Molly Ringwald as a mom? THANK GOODNESS THE SECRET IS OUT. I feel so relieved. Great portrayal of our already-hated country. Thumbs up.
American Idol-- When you've changed judges four times, it's about time to call it quits. Does anyone even watch this show anymore besides my parents? Yeah, didn't think so.
Dancing With the Stars-- "Stars" is a very loose term here. If I'm going to waste my time watching a dance show, I want to watch people who can actually dance (So You Think You Can Dance, anyone? Love that show.) These people are washed-up, fat, desperate actors who are attempting to crawl their way back into whatever dim limelight they had in the first place. Plus, Tom Bergeron is the host. 'Nuff said.
Gilmore Girls-- The "banter" drives me crazy. No one thinks that fast. I actually did watch quite a bit of this show when I was in high school because one of my good friends liked it, but I secretly never did. Simply put: it's annoying.
Kostecki, out.
(You see what I did there? American Idol reference, what up)
I've been told by many (and by many I mean, like, two people tops) that they are deeply looking forward to the TV-shows-I-hate-post, but to be honest I've been quite dreading it. If you disagreed with the shows I love, then it's whatever. No harm done. You still respect me as a person, for the most part. However, if you disagree with the shows I hate, there's a good chance you might not look at me the same again. Ever. Depending, of course, on how strong your love is for the show I despise.
Not to mention, I don't exactly have a concrete explanation citing proper evidence for why I cannot stand these shows. Most of them I haven't even watched for more than five minutes, but that's because they're the worst. I just don't like them. Why can't that be enough. I trust my gut for a lot of things, and so far it hasn't steered me wrong. Except for that one time I ate that expired yogurt...
Alright, here we go. In no particular order, here are 10 shows I hate with very little explanation as to why:
The Big Bang Theory-- From my experience, this seems like a love/hate kind of show. I just so happen to absolutely despise it. I can't even stand the sound of their voices. "Mehhh my name is Sheldon and I'm named after a turtle but I'm really smart so I'm gonna make you feel dumb! lol" PASS. And the girl isn't even that hot.
Seinfeld-- I know a few people in particular (cough, Mark) are not gonna be happy about this making this list, but I just never really caught on to it. Maybe I don't like the actors, maybe it's too 90s for me (though I still love Friends, which is as 90s as it gets), maybe I don't like the format, maybe the humor isn't clever enough. Whatever the real reason is, I'm not a fan. Period.
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo-- This show embodies everything that I hate about America into one, 30 minute slot. They're fat, stupid, and disgusting. But I will give them this much: they do really enjoy spending time together, and they all seem to love each other very much. CORNY whatever.
Two And A Half Men-- Another show that I always avoid. Charlie Sheen looks like a crow that wants to rape you. None of them are good actors. And it's been on for about nine years too long. Yes, it's been on for nine years. I looked it up.
How I Met Your Mother-- You all hate me, I know. How I Met Your Mother has been on for a few seasons too long as well. I've given it a shot, but there was nothing spectacular about it to keep me coming back. Jason Segel is by far the saving grace. Love him.
Any "Real Housewives" show-- How can they claim that these are real housewives? First of all, nothing about them is "real," including their personalities. Or faces. Or boobs. Second of all, nah... I'm good. No more.
The Secret Life of the American Teenager-- I'm sorry, so every American teenager gets pregnant during high school, marries a bunch of dudes, is a terrible actress, and has Molly Ringwald as a mom? THANK GOODNESS THE SECRET IS OUT. I feel so relieved. Great portrayal of our already-hated country. Thumbs up.
American Idol-- When you've changed judges four times, it's about time to call it quits. Does anyone even watch this show anymore besides my parents? Yeah, didn't think so.
Dancing With the Stars-- "Stars" is a very loose term here. If I'm going to waste my time watching a dance show, I want to watch people who can actually dance (So You Think You Can Dance, anyone? Love that show.) These people are washed-up, fat, desperate actors who are attempting to crawl their way back into whatever dim limelight they had in the first place. Plus, Tom Bergeron is the host. 'Nuff said.
Gilmore Girls-- The "banter" drives me crazy. No one thinks that fast. I actually did watch quite a bit of this show when I was in high school because one of my good friends liked it, but I secretly never did. Simply put: it's annoying.
Kostecki, out.
(You see what I did there? American Idol reference, what up)
Sunday, December 16, 2012
This Will Take You Over an Hour to Enjoy
HELLO.
Guess I haven't posted for a while... cry me a river. To make up for my lack of attention to this blog, this post will be full of links/videos/my bitchy opinions.
Let's jump right in. I go through spurts of watching TV depending on how busy I am after work and how many friends I have (which is still, like, two for the record). Lately I haven't been keeping up with very many TV shows, but I still have my classic favorites (and not-so-favorites) that I'd like to share with all of you. You're welcome.
Imma split this up into two posts cause it'd probs be media overload, and I'm sure half of you will be too lazy to watch all the goodies included in this. I also would like to add that I gained my excellent taste in TV shows mostly because of my brother's influence. I know he'd rather punch himself in the face than read my blog, but I still feel obligated to thank him for that. Thanks bro.
My top 10 shows (in random order; too much thought involved to actually rank them) that you should watch, plus little slices of awesome from each:
Arrested Development-- I pick up on new jokes almost every time I watch this show. Pity it was cancelled after three amazing seasons. Buster is my favorite character.
Tosh.0-- Not only would I drop my pants for Tosh in a second, but for some reason I'm drawn to his equal mistreatment of every race and type of person. I could definitely do without all of the puking videos though.
Teen Mom 2-- Watching other peoples' train-wreck lives makes me feel really great about my own. It's just one bad decision after another, and it's even a bad decision to watch this show. This was the best clip I could come up with...
South Park-- Such a consistently good show. Clever, relevant, and ruthless. This clip gets me every time.
Cougar Town-- I would say this is a guilty pleasure, but I don't feel guilty about loving this show. All they do is drink wine and hang out. I want to be part of their Cul de Sac Crew, damnit! And if a show makes me want to be friends with the characters, then it's a-ok in my book. Plus they make fun of their shitty title on the reg, so that's cool. Plus, who doesn't love a good ol' game of penny can?
Happy Endings-- Chicago based, ridiculous plot, hilarious. Brad is my favorite. Again, I'd cut off my left boob to be friends with them. Too bad they don't exist in real life... or... do they?
Workaholics-- Directly give credit to the broski for this one. You gotta be fresh.
Destination Truth-- Another bro show (rhyme five! (Cougar Town reference)). Oddly entertaining for one of those stupid let's-look-for-monsters-that-don't-exist shows; they don't try to fabricate things and make it seem like the boogie monster exists. And the people are actually pretty funny.
Too Cute-- I always get SO excited whenever this show is on Animal Planet. I could seriously watch it for hours and not get sick of it. What's better than puppies and kittens clumsily running around in slow motion? Correct answer: nothing.
Archer--60% smart ass, 30% clever, and 20% hilarious. Wait...
So give them a shot. If you don't like them, then I could always just disown you as a friend.
To come: 10 shows that I fucking hate.
Hope Santa doesn't give you coal. PAZ.
Guess I haven't posted for a while... cry me a river. To make up for my lack of attention to this blog, this post will be full of links/videos/my bitchy opinions.
Let's jump right in. I go through spurts of watching TV depending on how busy I am after work and how many friends I have (which is still, like, two for the record). Lately I haven't been keeping up with very many TV shows, but I still have my classic favorites (and not-so-favorites) that I'd like to share with all of you. You're welcome.
Imma split this up into two posts cause it'd probs be media overload, and I'm sure half of you will be too lazy to watch all the goodies included in this. I also would like to add that I gained my excellent taste in TV shows mostly because of my brother's influence. I know he'd rather punch himself in the face than read my blog, but I still feel obligated to thank him for that. Thanks bro.
My top 10 shows (in random order; too much thought involved to actually rank them) that you should watch, plus little slices of awesome from each:
Arrested Development-- I pick up on new jokes almost every time I watch this show. Pity it was cancelled after three amazing seasons. Buster is my favorite character.
Tosh.0-- Not only would I drop my pants for Tosh in a second, but for some reason I'm drawn to his equal mistreatment of every race and type of person. I could definitely do without all of the puking videos though.
Teen Mom 2-- Watching other peoples' train-wreck lives makes me feel really great about my own. It's just one bad decision after another, and it's even a bad decision to watch this show. This was the best clip I could come up with...
South Park-- Such a consistently good show. Clever, relevant, and ruthless. This clip gets me every time.
Cougar Town-- I would say this is a guilty pleasure, but I don't feel guilty about loving this show. All they do is drink wine and hang out. I want to be part of their Cul de Sac Crew, damnit! And if a show makes me want to be friends with the characters, then it's a-ok in my book. Plus they make fun of their shitty title on the reg, so that's cool. Plus, who doesn't love a good ol' game of penny can?
Happy Endings-- Chicago based, ridiculous plot, hilarious. Brad is my favorite. Again, I'd cut off my left boob to be friends with them. Too bad they don't exist in real life... or... do they?
Workaholics-- Directly give credit to the broski for this one. You gotta be fresh.
Destination Truth-- Another bro show (rhyme five! (Cougar Town reference)). Oddly entertaining for one of those stupid let's-look-for-monsters-that-don't-exist shows; they don't try to fabricate things and make it seem like the boogie monster exists. And the people are actually pretty funny.
Too Cute-- I always get SO excited whenever this show is on Animal Planet. I could seriously watch it for hours and not get sick of it. What's better than puppies and kittens clumsily running around in slow motion? Correct answer: nothing.
Archer--60% smart ass, 30% clever, and 20% hilarious. Wait...
So give them a shot. If you don't like them, then I could always just disown you as a friend.
To come: 10 shows that I fucking hate.
Hope Santa doesn't give you coal. PAZ.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Hwhiskey
Here's another Elmhurst adventure from Thanksgiving for you:
My friends Annie, Abby, and I were at a bar in the ‘hurst,
and it was getting pretty late. We were about 30 minutes from closing time, and
we had struck up a conversation with three gentlemen. Turns out they were three
years our senior. They were talking a big game, and were trying to talk us into
taking shots (AKA shaking tots). They asked what we wanted shots of, but for
some reason I have the hardest time choosing drinks when someone else is
buying. Actually, I’m sure that’s not an uncommon problem. But anyway. So these
bros were all like, oh ok, then how bout whiskey? And I was like, ok perfect. I love whiskey. James (that was his name) was
shocked, to say the least, and proceeded to dub me as a “keeper” for liking
whiskey. I was oddly flattered.
The shots are poured, and I take mine like a champ. Drink it
in, it always goes down smooth. Guy-whose-name-I-forgot winced like a
15-year-old girl. Naturally, I called him out on it and made fun of him. He
then proceeded to claim that I’d be "on the floor" in 10 minutes. Does he even
know me? Don’t answer that. Then, get this, he ended up actin’ a foo’ in 10
minutes while I was still playing it cool. RHYMES. Somehow I’m not surprised.
Then they called their other friend over to meet us, and ended up wandering
away. They must have been embarrassed/intimidated by their lack of drinking
skillz and my occasional tank-like tendency. But really, don’t be impressed.
Cause sometimes I’m almost, ALMOST, hung over after having two beers the
previous night. Can I chalk that up to old people problems yet? Don’t answer
that either.
Peace out, girl scout.
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