10 TV Shows I Hate

Yo to my ho's.

I've been told by many (and by many I mean, like, two people tops) that they are deeply looking forward to the TV-shows-I-hate-post, but to be honest I've been quite dreading it. If you disagreed with the shows I love, then it's whatever. No harm done. You still respect me as a person, for the most part. However, if you disagree with the shows I hate, there's a good chance you might not look at me the same again. Ever. Depending, of course, on how strong your love is for the show I despise.

Not to mention, I don't exactly have a concrete explanation citing proper evidence for why I cannot stand these shows. Most of them I haven't even watched for more than five minutes, but that's because they're the worst. I just don't like them. Why can't that be enough. I trust my gut for a lot of things, and so far it hasn't steered me wrong. Except for that one time I ate that expired yogurt...

Alright, here we go. In no particular order, here are 10 shows I hate with very little explanation as to why:

The Big Bang Theory-- From my experience, this seems like a love/hate kind of show. I just so happen to absolutely despise it. I can't even stand the sound of their voices. "Mehhh my name is Sheldon and I'm named after a turtle but I'm really smart so I'm gonna make you feel dumb! lol" PASS. And the girl isn't even that hot.

Seinfeld-- I know a few people in particular (cough, Mark) are not gonna be happy about this making this list, but I just never really caught on to it. Maybe I don't like the actors, maybe it's too 90s for me (though I still love Friends, which is as 90s as it gets), maybe I don't like the format, maybe the humor isn't clever enough. Whatever the real reason is, I'm not a fan. Period.

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo-- This show embodies everything that I hate about America into one, 30 minute slot. They're fat, stupid, and disgusting. But I will give them this much: they do really enjoy spending time together, and they all seem to love each other very much. CORNY whatever.

Two And A Half Men-- Another show that I always avoid. Charlie Sheen looks like a crow that wants to rape you. None of them are good actors. And it's been on for about nine years too long. Yes, it's been on for nine years. I looked it up.

How I Met Your Mother-- You all hate me, I know. How I Met Your Mother has been on for a few seasons too long as well. I've given it a shot, but there was nothing spectacular about it to keep me coming back. Jason Segel is by far the saving grace. Love him.

Any "Real Housewives" show-- How can they claim that these are real housewives? First of all, nothing about them is "real," including their personalities. Or faces. Or boobs. Second of all, nah... I'm good. No more.

The Secret Life of the American Teenager-- I'm sorry, so every American teenager gets pregnant during high school, marries a bunch of dudes, is a terrible actress, and has Molly Ringwald as a mom? THANK GOODNESS THE SECRET IS OUT. I feel so relieved. Great portrayal of our already-hated country. Thumbs up.

American Idol-- When you've changed judges four times, it's about time to call it quits. Does anyone even watch this show anymore besides my parents? Yeah, didn't think so.

Dancing With the Stars-- "Stars" is a very loose term here. If I'm going to waste my time watching a dance show, I want to watch people who can actually dance (So You Think You Can Dance, anyone? Love that show.) These people are washed-up, fat, desperate actors who are attempting to crawl their way back into whatever dim limelight they had in the first place. Plus, Tom Bergeron is the host. 'Nuff said.

Gilmore Girls-- The "banter" drives me crazy. No one thinks that fast. I actually did watch quite a bit of this show when I was in high school because one of my good friends liked it, but I secretly never did. Simply put: it's annoying.

Kostecki, out.
(You see what I did there? American Idol reference, what up)

This Will Take You Over an Hour to Enjoy

HELLO.

Guess I haven't posted for a while... cry me a river. To make up for my lack of attention to this blog, this post will be full of links/videos/my bitchy opinions.

Let's jump right in. I go through spurts of watching TV depending on how busy I am after work and how many friends I have (which is still, like, two for the record). Lately I haven't been keeping up with very many TV shows, but I still have my classic favorites (and not-so-favorites) that I'd like to share with all of you. You're welcome.

Imma split this up into two posts cause it'd probs be media overload, and I'm sure half of you will be too lazy to watch all the goodies included in this. I also would like to add that I gained my excellent taste in TV shows mostly because of my brother's influence. I know he'd rather punch himself in the face than read my blog, but I still feel obligated to thank him for that. Thanks bro.

My top 10 shows (in random order; too much thought involved to actually rank them) that you should watch, plus little slices of awesome from each:

Arrested Development-- I pick up on new jokes almost every time I watch this show. Pity it was cancelled after three amazing seasons. Buster is my favorite character.

Tosh.0-- Not only would I drop my pants for Tosh in a second, but for some reason I'm drawn to his equal mistreatment of every race and type of person. I could definitely do without all of the puking videos though.

Teen Mom 2-- Watching other peoples' train-wreck lives makes me feel really great about my own. It's just one bad decision after another, and it's even a bad decision to watch this show. This was the best clip I could come up with...

South Park-- Such a consistently good show. Clever, relevant, and ruthless. This clip gets me every time.

Cougar Town-- I would say this is a guilty pleasure, but I don't feel guilty about loving this show. All they do is drink wine and hang out. I want to be part of their Cul de Sac Crew, damnit! And if a show makes me want to be friends with the characters, then it's a-ok in my book. Plus they make fun of their shitty title on the reg, so that's cool. Plus, who doesn't love a good ol' game of penny can?

Happy Endings-- Chicago based, ridiculous plot, hilarious. Brad is my favorite. Again, I'd cut off my left boob to be friends with them. Too bad they don't exist in real life... or... do they?

Workaholics-- Directly give credit to the broski for this one. You gotta be fresh.

Destination Truth-- Another bro show (rhyme five! (Cougar Town reference)). Oddly entertaining for one of those stupid let's-look-for-monsters-that-don't-exist shows; they don't try to fabricate things and make it seem like the boogie monster exists. And the people are actually pretty funny.

Too Cute-- I always get SO excited whenever this show is on Animal Planet. I could seriously watch it for hours and not get sick of it. What's better than puppies and kittens clumsily running around in slow motion? Correct answer: nothing.

Archer--60% smart ass, 30% clever, and 20% hilarious. Wait...

So give them a shot. If you don't like them, then I could always just disown you as a friend.

To come: 10 shows that I fucking hate.

Hope Santa doesn't give you coal. PAZ.

Hwhiskey

Hey nerds,

Here's another Elmhurst adventure from Thanksgiving for you:

My friends Annie, Abby, and I were at a bar in the ‘hurst, and it was getting pretty late. We were about 30 minutes from closing time, and we had struck up a conversation with three gentlemen. Turns out they were three years our senior. They were talking a big game, and were trying to talk us into taking shots (AKA shaking tots). They asked what we wanted shots of, but for some reason I have the hardest time choosing drinks when someone else is buying. Actually, I’m sure that’s not an uncommon problem. But anyway. So these bros were all like, oh ok, then how bout whiskey? And I was like, ok perfect. I love whiskey. James (that was his name) was shocked, to say the least, and proceeded to dub me as a “keeper” for liking whiskey. I was oddly flattered.

The shots are poured, and I take mine like a champ. Drink it in, it always goes down smooth. Guy-whose-name-I-forgot winced like a 15-year-old girl. Naturally, I called him out on it and made fun of him. He then proceeded to claim that I’d be "on the floor" in 10 minutes. Does he even know me? Don’t answer that. Then, get this, he ended up actin’ a foo’ in 10 minutes while I was still playing it cool. RHYMES. Somehow I’m not surprised. Then they called their other friend over to meet us, and ended up wandering away. They must have been embarrassed/intimidated by their lack of drinking skillz and my occasional tank-like tendency. But really, don’t be impressed. Cause sometimes I’m almost, ALMOST, hung over after having two beers the previous night. Can I chalk that up to old people problems yet? Don’t answer that either.

Peace out, girl scout.