Maybe This is Why I'm Single

Yo to my bros.

I had some complaints about the last post, and I figured I should step it up. I quote: "You just made a list of foods you're craving..." I KNOW WHAT I DID, ALBERT. I WROTE IT. And I'm not proud of it. Although, I'm going to take the fact that someone actually called me out on my half-assed post as a compliment.

Let me also preface this by saying I am completely and entirely content being single. So any of you out there who have been taking my self-deprecation a bit too seriously: stop that.

Moving on. I've compiled a list of weird things about me for your reading pleasure. Now, these aren't cute, endearing weird things, like the fact that whiskey is my drink of choice, or that I wear a size 6 shoe. These are more along the lines of quirky, there-might-be-something-wrong-with-you weird things. Hopefully you still want to be my friend after reading this. Here we go.

I have reoccurring dreams that there are spiders in my bed. I jump up, turn on my lights, and frantically search for said spiders that, of course, don't exist. Any of you hunks out there who previously thought, dang Jamie, I'd totally toot it and boot it-- you should strongly consider booting it. Unless you want to be woken up in the middle of the night by me looking for spiders that don't exist.

Another fun sleep-related fact: a couple of months ago I caught myself sleep walking. Which is scary. Even scarier is that I sleep naked.

I always put on my right sock first, followed by the left, then my right shoe, then left. Is it really that weird? Not really sure. I have a hard time distinguishing a routine from OCD.

Whenever I return from a trip, I have to unpack right away. Not because if I don't do it right away it won't get done, but because if I don't unpack that same day, it stresses me out. I don't care how late it is or how tired I am or how long it's going to take. This was no exception when I studied abroad in Spain. I was completely unpacked hours after arriving.

I've spilled egg on my computer a few more times than I'd like to admit. What, I like to listen to music when I cook.

I'm completely addicted to Lip Smackers chapstick. I'm pretty sure I've been using it for 10+ years. That's brand loyalty, motherfuckers. I also don't understand how people feel like they've accomplished something when they actually finish a chapstick without losing it. If you're over the age of 12, it shouldn't be that difficult.

When I was little, I used to eat sandwiches with salami and ketchup. I mean it's essentially a modified hamburger. Don't knock it till you try it.

Another food fun fact (alliteration, what's up): I can't eat apples straight from the core anymore. I have to cut them up. Why, you ask? Because there was a goddamn worm in my apple one time, that's why.

My palms are super wrinkly. They have tons of lines on them. And I don't know why. On the bright side: I'd probably be a palm-reader's DREAM.

I make my bed everyday. All day, err day. It gives the illusion that your room is actually clean, hollaaa.

I can hear better out of my left ear. It's never been "proven" by a doctor or anything like that, but I just know, ok? Because of this, I always hold my phone up to my left ear, and I always sleep on my left side (cause then it blocks out more sound, get it?).

I wear pink rubber gloves when I wash dishes. That way my nails don't chip and my hands stay silky smooth and everyone's happy. Or at least I am. Don't hate.

I'm obsessed with making lists. Grocery lists, lists of things I need to do on the weekend, lists of things to pack, lists of things I need to do at work... I made a list for this post. So I'm organized, SUE ME.

I have slight panic attacks when people puke. I can't explain it, and I don't know how or why it started. I just remember freaking out when I was little if my brother was sick. It's not even an if-you-throw-up-I'm-gonna-throw-up thing. I just need to get away and stay away. If someone got sick in class in middle school, I was the first one out the door. One time in high school I was hanging out with my friends in someone's basement and someone threw up. I practically ran up the stairs and went home. So don't count on me to take care of you when you have too many tequila shots. You're on your own, bud.

Well I'd say that's enough weird things about me for one day.

Ttyl lyl brb lylas bbl ttfn k bye.

I'M PREGNANT

JK no I'm not. In the words of Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up: "you have to have sex to get pregnant." And we all know I'm not faring well with the opposite sex in Boston.

Pregnancy jokes aside, I've been getting crazy food cravings lately. Very specific, crazy, strong food cravings. And not cravings like ohhhh my goshhhh I want some chocolate right now. Cravings so real I swear I can taste them. In my mouth. They've been happening often enough that I started writing them down, and I felt compelled to share them. Plus, I haven't blogged for, like, three weeks. WHATEVER I know no one actually cares, so I'm not sorry. I'll keep this one short cause I'm lazy. And, you know, I have tons of exciting things to do this weekend after getting 22 inches of snow. So I can't be wasting my precious time blogging for the five of you that will actually read this.

Food etc. that I've been craving the past few weeks:

• Red wine. This happened at two separate moments hours apart when I was at work.
• Tacos.
• Easy Mac. No shame. That shit's delicious.
• Tomato soup.
• Queso dip.
• Banana bread. 
• Peanut butter cups.
• Sourdough bread. There's a huge shortage of sourdough bread in the world.
• Baked potato.
• Teriyaki steak and/or chicken.

Some of your are probably all like, whatever Jamie. All of that food is delicious. Who cares. But I'm telling you, these cravings have been out of control. I don't know if I smelled something or had a taste in my mouth that made me think of these things, but I've never experienced such real/strong/specific cravings before. And let me remind you: I'm not pregnant.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.