Remember this guy? Anyone? I'm talking about dream boat #1 in this case. So I've had the great pleasure of interacting with this guy seven, SEVEN, times now. I've seen him 10+ times. At trivia, at the train, at a sandwich place by my apartment-- you name it. I've seen him there.
Today a line was crossed. Let me 'splain. I walked down the stairs to the green line to catch my train around 5:30. From what I've learned about Joe (we'll call him Joe), he tends to leave work right at 5:00. I kid you not, I've stayed later at work for the sole purpose of avoiding seeing him at the train. This city is way too small. Of course I end up spotting good ol' Joe, say "mother fucker" under my breath, immediately stop walking, and hide behind a concrete column. Unfortunately, Joe happened to be turning my way right as I saw him. I knew he spotted me. I took out my phone and pretended to be very interested in text messages I'd sent three days ago.
However, Joe does not pick up on social cues, so things such as reading a book or being on your phone do not discourage him. I felt him drawing nearer. I know what you're thinking. Fake a phone call, right? NOPE WON'T WORK. No service down in the T. And it's annoying as shit when people talk on the phone on the train, so I refuse to become one of those assholes.
I waited around for my train for about seven or eight minutes, felt him getting closer and closer, and decided to take my alternate route home instead of waiting for the same train that he was. This route requires me to walk one mile home instead of taking the bus, and it was raining today. That's how desperate I was to avoid this man. I'd rather walk a mile home in the rain than risk yet another awkward encounter with him.
So I hopped on the next train. HAHA! You'll never reach me now, Joe! You'll be stuck waiting for a Lechmere train for at least five more minutes! I WIN! Regretfully I did not win. He followed me on the train. FOLLOWED ME ON THE TRAIN. My heart was pounding. This dude is legit stalking me right now. I knew from previous conversations that he always takes the train to Lechmere and walks home from there. What. The. Fuck.
I, of course, pretended like I never saw him and avoided eye contact like it was my job. But I knew he was still there, probably reading my text message over my shoulder to Sarah which read, "Oh my god he fucking followed me on the train." I was hoping that he wouldn't get off at Park with me, but that's the easiest way to get back to the area where we live. Yes, we work AND live in the same general areas. Lucky me. I got off the train and walked to wait for the red line. I didn't see him get off the train behind me, so I was hoping I lost him. Wrong again.
He "casually" walked past me, acted shocked to see me, and said oh hey! He even said something about how his "supervisor made him stay late today," and that he was "sick of waiting for a Lechmere train." Yeah, ok, and I'm 6'6" and from China. Luckily once the train came, a few people got between us, so I didn't have to talk to him the rest of the ride home. He got off the stop before mine, and I did not say goodbye. Guess I'm staying till 6:00 every day now.
You know, I almost felt sorry for him when I saw him at the bar by himself, and at dinner by himself on a Friday night, but once he started following me home I lost all pity. If you have to follow people around to try to be friends with them, or whatever it is he's trying to do, it's a little bit creepy. I take full responsibility for all of my insensitive/bitchy comments. Haters gon' hate.
FYI since I posted twice this week I get a free pass for the next three. See you squares in May.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
I Had A Dream
I had a dream last night that I had a baby. It was super easy and it only took like a minute. I had no recollection of the whole nine-month-pregnancy thing, and I had to think hard as to who actually had sex with me. Of course it turned out that I thought it happened when I was super drunk, and vaguely remembered having sex with a coworker (who I'm not a huge fan of, by the way). Needless to say, I dream-hated myself for it.
I brought the baby to work and just kind of left her in a cube. I'd visit her a couple of times a day. I'm a busy woman, ok? I don't have time to just dote on a baby all day long. Besides, other people were taking care of her too. Then I discovered that my boobs had milk in them. That was weird. Yeah, see I wish all of that weird giving birth pregnancy stuff were just a dream. It sure is messed up enough to be.
Anyway, I was trying to decide whether or not (and how) to tell my coworker that it was his baby. All the while, I was concentrating all of my thoughts on hoping that my child got all of my looks, because he's not much of a looker. And is super short. But he is rather smart, so I would have been ok if my daughter got all of his smart jeans (lol see what I did there? jeans... HAH). I ran into him on my way to the bathroom and I was like, heyyyy Donald (fake name used)... so you know that baby over there? It's yours. And mine. We made that thing. Then we went back to his cube to loudly discuss details of our sexual encounter in front of everyone. No shame.
After that, I had a super long meeting. When I was walking out with two other coworkers, we saw tons of buildings getting blown up/demolished. Then an airplane took a hairpin turn and hit another building, a giant cruise ship tipped over, and another plane just went straight into the water. Thank you, Tsarnaev brothers, for further fucking up my already fucked up dreams. You will rot in hell with Saddam forever. And he's gay, so have fun with that.
Boston Strong.
I brought the baby to work and just kind of left her in a cube. I'd visit her a couple of times a day. I'm a busy woman, ok? I don't have time to just dote on a baby all day long. Besides, other people were taking care of her too. Then I discovered that my boobs had milk in them. That was weird. Yeah, see I wish all of that weird giving birth pregnancy stuff were just a dream. It sure is messed up enough to be.
Anyway, I was trying to decide whether or not (and how) to tell my coworker that it was his baby. All the while, I was concentrating all of my thoughts on hoping that my child got all of my looks, because he's not much of a looker. And is super short. But he is rather smart, so I would have been ok if my daughter got all of his smart jeans (lol see what I did there? jeans... HAH). I ran into him on my way to the bathroom and I was like, heyyyy Donald (fake name used)... so you know that baby over there? It's yours. And mine. We made that thing. Then we went back to his cube to loudly discuss details of our sexual encounter in front of everyone. No shame.
After that, I had a super long meeting. When I was walking out with two other coworkers, we saw tons of buildings getting blown up/demolished. Then an airplane took a hairpin turn and hit another building, a giant cruise ship tipped over, and another plane just went straight into the water. Thank you, Tsarnaev brothers, for further fucking up my already fucked up dreams. You will rot in hell with Saddam forever. And he's gay, so have fun with that.
Boston Strong.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Things I Thought About While Laying In Bed Saturday Morning
Be prepared for none of this to make any sense. Partially because I'm not quite sure if I was 100% awake while forming these things I claim to be thoughts.
Do dogs have belly buttons? No... definitely not... so hold on, if they don't have belly buttons, then they don't have umbilical cords... how do they get their food from the momma dog then? I'm going to have to google this once I get up.
Why can't I sleep past 7am anymore? This is very frustrating. I remember in high school I'd sleep until 3pm. And I was sober too! And I'd be all like, man, waking up before 11am is ROUGH. Now I'm elated if I sleep past 8am. I'm old. People hate me when I say I'm old because they're all at least 25. Shit, I'd hate me too.
I should blog about these random things I'm thinking about. I'm going to forget them instantly, I know it. I'm way too lazy to get up and get my computer though. And I think I'm drifting in and out of sleep, so I don't want to ruin that either. Have you ever caught yourself slipping into a dream? You're thinking about something, mulling over the possibilities, and all of a sudden you're pregnant and you don't know how it happened. Then I'm like holy shit, I just observed myself slipping into a dream. Then again, this is coming from a girl who caught herself sleep walking. And who has recurring dreams that there are spiders in her bed. I'm never gonna get married.
I wonder if I could feasibly kill this crow that won't stop making noise. I used to find comfort in a crowing crow. Well that just sounds redundant. A crowing crow. Too bad they all died from West Nile. Except for this fucker outside my window. Maybe if I had a slingshot I could kill it. Or feed it Tylenol somehow. I learned in this book I'm reading that someone purposefully killed a "neighbor girl's" cat by feeding it Tylenol. That's kinda fucked up.
I should get out of bed and look at clothes online to prepare for my shopping trip. People don't do those things... I'm weird. Whatever, I haven't looked at any magazines lately, and there are like two people that dress well at work. Not much to go off of here. (At this point I think I very slightly lifted my head in an effort to get out of bed, decided nothing was worth getting up, and promptly and exaggeratingly (just made up a word, what up. oh man, inception parentheses.) put my head back down.)
I wonder if there's a most-comfortable-bed contest. Cause mine would definitely make it to the top 10 (hugs pillow closer).
I haven't had a good cry in a while... when was the last time I cried? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Good because apparently my life is tolerable enough to not make my eyes rain. Bad that I'm potentially numb to emotion. Plus, crying feels pretty fucking good sometimes. It's like all of the anxiety/stress just leaks out of your eyeballs.
I had a dream last night that one of our friends down the hall came over to keep some things in our fridge because they didn't have room. She unloaded a 12 pack of Coke, and stuck them on the outside of the refrigerator. They were magnetic. That would be pretty kick ass if Coke could do that. Coke magnets. Are you taking notes? This is some good shit right here. Except for the fact that they'd be too heavy to stay on a fridge. And they'd be warm.
Welp, see ya later.
Do dogs have belly buttons? No... definitely not... so hold on, if they don't have belly buttons, then they don't have umbilical cords... how do they get their food from the momma dog then? I'm going to have to google this once I get up.
Why can't I sleep past 7am anymore? This is very frustrating. I remember in high school I'd sleep until 3pm. And I was sober too! And I'd be all like, man, waking up before 11am is ROUGH. Now I'm elated if I sleep past 8am. I'm old. People hate me when I say I'm old because they're all at least 25. Shit, I'd hate me too.
I should blog about these random things I'm thinking about. I'm going to forget them instantly, I know it. I'm way too lazy to get up and get my computer though. And I think I'm drifting in and out of sleep, so I don't want to ruin that either. Have you ever caught yourself slipping into a dream? You're thinking about something, mulling over the possibilities, and all of a sudden you're pregnant and you don't know how it happened. Then I'm like holy shit, I just observed myself slipping into a dream. Then again, this is coming from a girl who caught herself sleep walking. And who has recurring dreams that there are spiders in her bed. I'm never gonna get married.
I wonder if I could feasibly kill this crow that won't stop making noise. I used to find comfort in a crowing crow. Well that just sounds redundant. A crowing crow. Too bad they all died from West Nile. Except for this fucker outside my window. Maybe if I had a slingshot I could kill it. Or feed it Tylenol somehow. I learned in this book I'm reading that someone purposefully killed a "neighbor girl's" cat by feeding it Tylenol. That's kinda fucked up.
I should get out of bed and look at clothes online to prepare for my shopping trip. People don't do those things... I'm weird. Whatever, I haven't looked at any magazines lately, and there are like two people that dress well at work. Not much to go off of here. (At this point I think I very slightly lifted my head in an effort to get out of bed, decided nothing was worth getting up, and promptly and exaggeratingly (just made up a word, what up. oh man, inception parentheses.) put my head back down.)
I wonder if there's a most-comfortable-bed contest. Cause mine would definitely make it to the top 10 (hugs pillow closer).
I haven't had a good cry in a while... when was the last time I cried? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Good because apparently my life is tolerable enough to not make my eyes rain. Bad that I'm potentially numb to emotion. Plus, crying feels pretty fucking good sometimes. It's like all of the anxiety/stress just leaks out of your eyeballs.
I had a dream last night that one of our friends down the hall came over to keep some things in our fridge because they didn't have room. She unloaded a 12 pack of Coke, and stuck them on the outside of the refrigerator. They were magnetic. That would be pretty kick ass if Coke could do that. Coke magnets. Are you taking notes? This is some good shit right here. Except for the fact that they'd be too heavy to stay on a fridge. And they'd be warm.
Welp, see ya later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)