If You Do This, I Hate You

Hey party people,

I know it's been a while (as if anyone noticed), but I've had nothing to write about. Sorry I'm not. I think it's about time for another hateful rant, don't you? I've been noticing that there are a lot of people who piss me off. Some individuals simply don't understand how to behave appropriately in public, and it gets on my nerves. I'm sure you're wondering what you should (or shouldn't) do in order to avoid being one of those people that I'd like to punch in the nuts, so I was thoughtful enough to compile a list (shocker) of people who get on my nerves. You're welcome.

1. People who read a book while walking. It's pretty much the pedestrian version of texting and driving. They end up walking at a snail's pace, and they never move out of the way when you're walking straight at them. No book is that good that you just HAVE to read it at every waking second. Be a normal person and read while sitting down. Or, like, talk to people.
2. People who sneeze rapid-fire like seven times in a row. Stop fucking sneezing so much and breathe. There are only so many blessing that I can give out, and you used them all up about five sneezes ago.
3. People who talk on the phone on the bus/train. It's called privacy, ever heard of it? I don't want to hear your conversation, and you shouldn't want me to hear it either. Cause I'm totally judging you.
4. On another public transportation-related note: when you're getting off the train/bus and the person sitting next to you won't stand up to let you off. Is it really that hard? Now I'm just going to rub my butt in your face and that's just awkward for both of us.
5. I also hate people who blast music from speakers on the bus/train. I don't want to hear your gangster rap, nor your Mexican folk music. This is not a party. This is a train.
6. People who don't move out of the way when you're running towards them. I'm putting in the effort to exercise here; the least you can do is move your ass two steps to the side. Share the sidewalk, people.
7. People in groups of two or three who somehow manage to take up a 20 foot hallway. How? Seriously, how?
8. People who fart on the bus/train or at the gym. There are enough people coughing and sneezing all over the place, do you really have to add to that with your gas? I swear I'll throw up one day in the not-so-distant future. Hold it in. For everyone's sake.
9. So basically, I hate people. I apologize for not being apologetic.

That's all, folks.