I Had A Dream

I had a dream last night that I had a baby. It was super easy and it only took like a minute. I had no recollection of the whole nine-month-pregnancy thing, and I had to think hard as to who actually had sex with me. Of course it turned out that I thought it happened when I was super drunk, and vaguely remembered having sex with a coworker (who I'm not a huge fan of, by the way). Needless to say, I dream-hated myself for it.

I brought the baby to work and just kind of left her in a cube. I'd visit her a couple of times a day. I'm a busy woman, ok? I don't have time to just dote on a baby all day long. Besides, other people were taking care of her too. Then I discovered that my boobs had milk in them. That was weird. Yeah, see I wish all of that weird giving birth pregnancy stuff were just a dream. It sure is messed up enough to be.

Anyway, I was trying to decide whether or not (and how) to tell my coworker that it was his baby. All the while, I was concentrating all of my thoughts on hoping that my child got all of my looks, because he's not much of a looker. And is super short. But he is rather smart, so I would have been ok if my daughter got all of his smart jeans (lol see what I did there? jeans... HAH). I ran into him on my way to the bathroom and I was like, heyyyy Donald (fake name used)... so you know that baby over there? It's yours. And mine. We made that thing. Then we went back to his cube to loudly discuss details of our sexual encounter in front of everyone. No shame.

After that, I had a super long meeting. When I was walking out with two other coworkers, we saw tons of buildings getting blown up/demolished. Then an airplane took a hairpin turn and hit another building, a giant cruise ship tipped over, and another plane just went straight into the water. Thank you, Tsarnaev brothers, for further fucking up my already fucked up dreams. You will rot in hell with Saddam forever. And he's gay, so have fun with that.

Boston Strong.